What is dating, what is courtship? | Dating vs. Courtship: Part 1
The main difference between dating and courtship involves the goals to be reached by spending time with a potential marriage partner. Men and women who. The Difference Between Courtship & Dating They may or may not see engagement or marriage as possibilities for the future, but are just having fun and . Dating was invented in the early part of this century. open and honest exploration of each others lives and families leading up to engagement and marriage.
Otherwise, you risk hurting each other in a way you do not wish to, but can simply because you are not yet married. It risks looking like and acting like you are married, when you have not formally made the commitment. It risks giving in to the temptation to do that one thing reserved ONLY to married couples because you become so used to each other and, what the heck, you love each other and are practically married anyway, so why not?
What is the difference between dating and courting?
At the practical level, you want to be in courtship for a short time, with the agreement to get engaged or end the relationship at the end of that time period. This ensures that hearts are not too invested beyond repair, and that both persons are able to become available to new persons.
Another reason courtship is usually entered into when both are pretty certain they have found the one is because the reality of starting over from scratch with a new person and going through the process again is draining and deflating. When you have done it once, you are not inclined to do it again. It is much too involved and comes at a high price. So courtship should not be used interchangeably with dating, and should not be entered into lightly.
However, if it the courtship does not work out, you have avoid rushing into a marriage that you may likely have regretted later. Courtship, as a process, ensures that all the right steps have been taken and all the right things have been talked about in order to come to the closest conclusion possible that you are in love and want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
I usually advise couples in courtship to make sure they have taken a good, long road trip together so they can experience all the sides of each other, which a long road trip seems to bring out.
I assume at this point my focus on courtship has provided some insight into what dating is. First, dating is NOT courtship. The best way to describe dating is that it is a sampling process. You date in order to sample the person. You have realized you want to be married and have learned more about yourself and the kind of person you are attracted to from your dating experience.
Some people never stop sampling. They know that their relationship is intended to be long-term and permanent.
A couple that is dating may not have any specific expectations for their relationship. They may or may not see engagement or marriage as possibilities for the future, but are just having fun and seeing where the relationship goes.
They may intend for the relationship to be short-term, or they may leave the possibility for it to become long-term open. Exclusivity Deciding to court the person you are dating is a serious commitment that is considered a pre-engagement. The couple is exclusive and monogamous. They do not go on dates with anyone else. A couple that is dating may see other people or they may be monogamous, but the more casual nature of their relationship signifies that either person may decide to start seeing other people at any time.
The antidote is creating, from early childhood, an atmosphere of security, love and worthwhile activities that would give no cause for a sensible teenager to want to look elsewhere for a life.
The second context where the Bible speaks of relationships is in the church, which is, in essence, an extended family. The church provides a setting where all kinds of relationships can be established with absolute purity. To belong to the Body of Christ is a wonderful privilege, enabling us to prepare our children for relationships in the world within secure boundaries.
It is an extension of relating as brothers and sisters, and in a group context that can occur with absolute purity, as it did with Jesus. The antidote to loneliness is fellowship, not dating; the need is for friendship, not sexuality, The exclusiveness of romantic relationships precludes building friendships.
Dating substitutes sensual feelings for friendship, passion for honour and respect, foolish jesting for thankfulness, our pleasure for His business. There is no commitment by either party to continue beyond the first date, and there may be others they would consider dating given the opportunity.
They both know that. The main purpose of dating is to try out as many partners as possible in the process of looking for the perfect one. Thus, by definition, breaking up is as common as dating itself. There are more pop songs written about breaking up than pairing up. Dating becomes a preparation for handling divorce, not a preparation for building a permanent marriage.
We were designed for sexual involvement with one partner, but we get used to the idea of rejecting and being rejected in the search for the perfect relationship. The more dates you have, the more the boundaries become blurred. Rejection becomes a way of life, and saying "I love you'' becomes meaningless.
It is no more than saying, "At this moment in time, I find you sexually attractive. If it doesn't work out, we can simply break it off.
It provides no training for having to work it out for the long haul. It is practice in divorce at an early age. Dating builds insecurity into relationships. Imagine a marriage without scars of rejection to overcome, with a partner you can trust, because you have not been spoiled by earlier partners who have proved untrustworthy.
Imagine a relationship without having other faces in your mind and the comparisons that ensue against the spouse that God has given you. Imagine having no pornographic images of Miss Universe with which to tarnish the beauty of the wife who is at your side. They only occur in marriage, or in anticipation of marriage. God has created us to fit this biblical norm, and the romantic response is intended to come to its true fulfilment only in marriage.
Recreational dating envisions a one-on-one relationship apart from marriage, but it should be no surprise when it leads to its intended climax - becoming one flesh. God designed us that way!
To try to survive exclusive relationships sexually unscathed is like fighting against the grain of creation. So how are we supposed to find a way to arrive at those exclusive relationships which prove to be marriages made in heaven?
We must break out of the mould of our culture. The alternative to dating is not courtship Introduction The word about the inappropriateness of dating has got out, but I'm not entirely happy with the response - which is usually an attempt to adapt the system rather than discard it.
These attempts usually take one of two forms. Firstly, there is an attempt to take the risk out of it, so we talk about double-dating, where in reality peer supervision is no more and no less than peer pressure. Secondly, there is an attempt to put something substantial into it, so we tell our teenagers that dating is no longer possible, courtship is the way to go. Because of this misconception, we have actually made the problem worse.
Knowing that they are not allowed to have casual friendships falling in and out of loveyoung people are led to believe that they can have exclusive relationships with the opposite sex through courting. They can become as pre-occupied with courting as they can with dating, which is worse, because it has the added pressure of the seriousness of marriage. Teenagers do not need the frivolity of casual dating, nor do they need the intensity of serious courtship.
Courtship is not the alternative to dating. I believe in courtship, but courting is what a man and woman do in preparation for marriage. Courting is not what Christian teenagers do instead of dating. Courtship is essential in its proper place, but unessential for our young people as a contrived form of dating.
What is the alternative?Is Christian Dating or Courting Better? What's the Difference and Which One Is More Biblical?
What should they be doing with their teenage years? It is a time for "Father's Business. Although we don't know much about what happened during his teenage years, we do know what his focus was. Most teenagers see these years as a time for "my fun" but Jesus saw them as a time for his Father's business.
We will never evidence a radical change in our young people until we are convinced that teenage years are not supposed to be years of care-free, independent, experimental, frivolous self-gratification. They are to be years of training and preparation. Our culture has emphasized external fun more than internal preparation, the result is a generation that is both unhappy and unprepared. Teenage years are a time to lay a foundation and start to practise "being about Father's business," thereby discovering calling and destiny.
It is to be a preparation for life. The preparation of young people for marriage is one of God's great purposes for the church. It is not accomplished by setting up a dating pattern that is built on the same sinful pattern as the world, except that it is practised between believers rather than unbelievers.
The difference between courtship and dating
It is a time of preparation under parental supervision Consider again what we know about Jesus' teenage years. This is entirely consistent with the whole of the Bible. The emphasis is on the father's responsibility, and the preparation under his supervision for the teenager to be able to become responsible. In Old Testament law, a father has particular responsibility for his daughters in the biblical pattern.
He was expected to be able to guarantee his daughter's virginity Deut If another man violates that by becoming sexually involved with his daughter, two things happen Deut 22;28,29the two should get married and the man must pay the father a dowry.
The Difference Between Courtship & Dating
We can learn from this that there is no such thing as sex without responsibility. The principle is seen in the dowry system. In the Bible, the dowry is a demonstration of assuming financial responsibility. The man who has a sexual relationship with a girl has to marry her; he must assume responsibility for her and her children.
He cannot just walk away from it all. If he does, because he has had to pay a dowry, the father has money to provide alimony for his daughter's financial security. That would make a teenage boy think twice! But the issue is not primarily money, it is responsibility. The problem of our culture is not merely sexual immorality, it is also sexual irresponsibility. In a biblical pattern there is no escape from responsibility. Teenage years are a preparation for responsibility, not for irresponsibility.
To get married, there is going to be a dowry to pay and that dowry will require years of work! When we see teenage years characterized by irresponsibility, we know we have missed the mark. Parental supervision is designed to train toward responsibility.
It is a time of warfare Young people are built for warfare Ps 8: If he can destroy the preparation for marriage among teens and singles, he can destroy countless homes and families later on. The foundations have been undermined. The flood tides of filth and sensual temptation are destroying future marriages before they even begin. The enemy can be resisted, however.
Young people are built for war! To be a force against evil, we need to train an innocent generation. But people are afraid that our children will be naive and not know what's going on in the world. That's how they are supposed to be!
As soon as they know what's going on in the world they are seared by it, but when young people are distinctively pure they offer a powerful unique example. The time of one's youth provides the greatest opportunity, while carrying the least responsibilities, to damage the enemy's kingdom.
That is why the bible talks about singleness as a gift, and as a good gift at that. Teenage years preoccupied with dating are the worst of both worlds. There is the care of worrying about your partner or a succession of partners without the benefits of marriage, and there is no freedom to serve God without distraction either. It is a time for prayer Teenagers should be praying for a husband or a wife, not a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
So should their parents on their behalf, because finding a partner is a matter of faith, not striking lucky when playing the field. It does not necessarily require being part of a large crowd. For example, see Ruth 2: It is a time for teamwork One factor in high divorce rates is that couples build relationships on the basis of romance, not of working together.
Adam and Eve met and married in the context of work, hence the word "helpmeet. Sadly, too many young people learn to live for themselves and their own pleasure.
They don't know how to work for the common good, to work as a team. They will take the same self-centredness into marriage because they do not know the fulfilment of accomplishing something together. The first place to learn teamwork is the family, then there comes the need for group projects such as team ministry.
Team ministry requires some external purpose, a reason for sacrifice. When that vision is clear, self-denial is possible and working together begins. It opens up the possibility of far greater success than we can achieve on our own, and it is the best context in which to build friendships rather than the modern preoccupation with talking about relationships.