Seriously, They Don't 'Effing Matter. - Uncover Ostomy
Caitlin McGinnis shares her experiences of dating with an ostomy. Congrats! You're dating a person with an ostomy. Maybe we told you about this months ago and you've been mulling the thought of going. Shanel Payne, 28, from the Sunshine Coast, has had a colostomy bag for years; She spoke to FEMAIL about her experience of dating with her.
I decided to break this topic down into several parts so I am sure I tackle as much as possible without writing a novel and boring you to death.
I want to share my experiences dating and being intimate with an ostomy in this post today. I think there is so much to talk about that I want to give you a little background information on me and how I handled certain situations so you have a better idea where my mindset comes from.
I had an ileostomy from the ages of and then again from present day. In fact, it was far from it. I do, however, think I made the situation harder than it needed to be.
I was intimate with two guys during that time; one I told the truth to over AIM and never went into any details and the other I pretended was a bandage and never took my shirt off. Everyone in my school knew I had been very sick and certainly, anyone who I was close with in anyway knew I had a chronic illness and had multiple surgeries on my stomach of some kind.
Some knew the name of my disease, but it was only one girlfriend who I actually went to school with that knew the details of it.
Thinking back, I had about three other close girlfriends who I know I could have shared with but never did. I was always too ashamed, felt so different from my peers, and thought it made me hideous… so how could someone else not think that way about me?
It was very comforting to have my best friend in high school be so understandinghelp me whenever I needed help but also respect the fact that I just needed to be alone. She never pushed to visit me in the hospital because she knew how I felt about visitors.
Woman shares her experience of dating with a colostomy bag
It was also nice to be able to share things with her about dating and intimacy knowing that I could be honest about my ostomy and how it impacted things for me. After my first real boyfriend and I broke up… he did comment on how much of a toll all I had been through took on me and also impacted him.
It made me feel awful because of the way he said it- but something he has apologized for many, many times since.
It did stick with me for a while though. Anyhow, I have had such luck in the dating scene with an ostomy that I began to wonder why. I still wondered, though, how no guy has ever cared about my bag. So I decided to do an experiment. A lovely girlfriend of mine, new to the Toronto dating scene, decided to sign up for the free online dating site, OKCupid.
She showed me how it worked and how she was getting some dates here and there simply from having her profile online. And I did it on purpose. In between the ridiculous messages from guys trying to be funny like this guy … …or antagonistic to win over my attention, like this guy … …or just trying to spark up a conversation like this guy … …I would get a ton of messages from guys saying that they had Googled me and thought that was I was doing was great!
Some said that they thought was I was doing was awesome, and then would ask for my number. Some would ask me more details about how I got my ostomy, and then ask for my number. Others simply sent a messages saying they had learned something new, hoping to spark up some conversation.
I even had one guy remember me from an article in the Western Gazette some 2 years ago! Unfortunately, there is one giant flaw. I asked people their opinions on when you should share the news and what kinds of tips they had, as well as how they would do it.
If you accept your ostomy, others are more likely to accept it to. Telling your new partner about it and coming off as grossed out is most likely going to be a big turn off. Plus, activities are bonding and fun!
An ostomy is pretty much a built in jerk repellant.
Dating and Intimacy with an Ostomy – Part 1: Background
Telling someone about your ostomy is a test of their character. When to share the news: Let the person learn who you are before applying a label to yourself.Relationships and Sex With an Ostomy
Though this was advice given to me, it was also my experience so this one has my vote Tell them after the first date if it went well. Tell them when you trust them to be able to handle it. Tell them before getting all handsy and intimate — while they might not be a person who would care if you have an ostomy, presentation matters, and finding out by accidentally ripping it off or seeing it randomly during a hook up is likely not the right presentation.
Try and try again.
Dating & Sex with an Ostomy - Newbie Ostomy
If you tell someone on the first date and they reject you, find someone else and try something different with them.
People without ostomies get rejected too, remember? How to share the news: